Spoiler Alert: This post is generally spoiler-free except for one detail. This detail is one that romance readers would want to know about before taking a chance on the movie, but as for everyone else, consider yourself alerted. :)

I’m Your Man: background & description

The 2021 film I’m Your Man (Ich bin dein Mensch) was inspired by Emma Braslavsky’s short story (presumably of the same name). It stars Maren Eggert as Alma the archeologist and Dan Stevens as Tom the android. The screenplay is by Jan Schomburg, Maria Schrader, and Emma Braslavsky. Maria Schrader directed the film.

Here’s the basic premise, courtesy of IMDB:

In order to obtain research funds for her studies, a scientist accepts an offer to participate in an extraordinary experiment: for three weeks, she is to live with a humanoid robot, created to make her happy.

Basically, Alma agrees to be in a temporary romantic relationship with Tom so she can write a report on the ethics of society giving androids like him full legal rights. The corporation that made him needs real-world feedback to help fine tune the android programming they’ve developed. Tom is the result of input they received from Alma to help them craft her “perfect” romantic partner.

Alma’s boss will give her more funding for her archeological research if she participates. Not only is Alma participating under a bit of duress, she’s been burned by love before and doesn’t want a romantic partner—or so she thinks. As for Tom, he shows up ready to wine and dine Alma, but also knows he has a lot to learn about her.

There are plenty of reviews available if you’re interested in analyses of the film. My post is about how I’m Your Man compares and contrasts with similar stories in the sci-fi romance genre. Is this a film that has appeal for sci-fi romance fans? I would say yes, but with caveats.

What genre best describes the movie I’m Your Man?

First, let’s review what appealed to director Maria Schrader about the story:

Schrader told us that she responded to the short story after being “taken by the simplicity of the setup. You know, two individuals, a love story, a man and a woman — and the man is not a man but a machine. Instantly there were so many questions in my head… What is love? Is it possible with someone who is not living? And yeah, that got me on the hook.” (Source: Deadline Hollywood)

and

I remember when I heard about this short story [by Emma Braslavsky], and the only thing I heard was this: woman meets robot-man. It reminded me so much of this girl-meets-boy trope. My first thought was probably Ex Machina, and that it would be interesting to change it – to have the man be the object. I realised that we are not used to it, to having such a beautiful guy treated this way. Alma would call him “this thing”, or say: “Show me your penis, if it's really made for me.” It's usually the other way around! Women are the objects, there to make you happy…

…Stories like, say, The Stepford Wives are unequivocally negative about such concepts, but listening to this man makes you understand the point of it all.

We accept all kinds of love, fetishes, a bodybuilder marrying his sex doll. There shouldn't be any judgement – it's rather a question of how to define it. I love it when Alma says that she is not having a real dialogue with Tom, that the “theatre is empty”. My co-writer Jan Schomburg wrote it; otherwise, I wouldn't praise it that highly [laughs]. It's probably like this with Alexa. At the same time, you are right: we didn't want to have another fantasy about these creatures taking over. Tom is not driven by ambition or jealousy; he is pure attention. If Alma were to allow him and his kind to be introduced into our society, perhaps they would be better humans? Maybe these imperfections that we are so proud of will spell the end of us at some point? (Source: Cineuropa)

The above gives you an idea of what themes the filmmakers wanted to explore in I’m Your Man. Their approach to the story has commonalities with sci-fi romance, but I’d be surprised if they had set out to make a sci-fi romance genre film. The genre conventions are present in the story, but seem to be more of a vehicle for the themes.

I’m Your Man has comedic elements, but I personally wouldn’t categorize it as a romantic comedy because comedy isn’t one of the driving forces of the narrative. The story involves a significant amount of serious themes, grief, angst, and loss. Additionally, I’m Your Man tends to keep its focus on the bleaker aspects of android-human romances. In contrast, sci-fi romances with android love interests focus on the positives.

Whether you conclude I’m Your Man is a sci-fi romance or not depends on how broadly you define a Happily Ever After or Happily For Now. The main couple is together at the end of the film and there’s no reason to believe they won’t stay together, but at the same time, there’s a bittersweet feel to their HEA/HFN.

By the film’s end, Alma has everything she could want in a male romantic partner, but is she still missing out in some way because he’s an android? How you answer that question depends on your hopes and dreams for this couple as well as your take on android romances.

For what it’s worth, I’m Your Man gave me the vibe of Data from Star Trek: The Next Generation—that is, if he starred in a near-future sci-fi romance. Dan Stevens, with his marvelous performance, might be giving Brent Spiner a run for his money.

Romance tropes in director Maria Schrader’s film I’m Your Man

I’m Your Man had a surprising number of romance tropes. Here are the main ones:

*fake boyfriend

*forced proximity (kind of)

*a split of friends-to-lovers and enemies-to-lovers

*unrequited love

*android lover

*cross-species romance

*cross-class romance (sort of—androids don’t yet have full legal rights in this world)

*grumpy/sunshine

*opposites attract

*mature couple romance

Note: the central relationship is m/f, but the worldbuilding conveys that queer and racially diverse android romantic partners exist. I’m Your Man seems to have a deliberate goal of providing social commentary about white m/f relationships and related issues such as toxic masculinity. The movie is generally pretty white (and I imagine that’s because the filmmakers are staying in their lanes), but the diverse background characters indicate that androids of all types have been created or could be created as potential romantic partners.

The movie I’m Your Man can be kind of bleak

Despite all the humor in I’m Your Man, the story has a bleak undercurrent. Thematically, one of the film’s conclusions seems to be that we as humans just have to deal with the fact that we’re flawed beings and if you can’t find the romantic partner of your dreams then too bad, that’s life. Not that we shouldn’t strive to be better—better humans, better romantic partners—but reality is reality, so deal with it.

I sensed an implication that it would be somehow a negative if androids routinely became the perfect romantic partners for those who wanted them. And that’s where I’m Your Man diverges from many, if not most, android/cyborg sci-fi romances.

In Maria Schrader’s film, android romantic partners are framed as fraught with stressful complications, whereas in sci-fi romances, they’re framed as perfectly acceptable (even if the path to an HEA is fraught with obstacles).

I’m Your Man didn’t address the issue of sentience as much as I expected, although that could have been a deliberate choice. Yet in one scene, there’s a strong suggestion that Tom is sentient because he behaves in a certain way when it’s clear he thinks he’s alone. The scene is from Alma’s POV and she witnesses the behavior.

In other words, Tom isn’t performing this behavior for anyone but himself. One interpretation could be that this behavior is what makes Alma realize Tom is more than his programming. But as far as I could tell, the film isn’t explicit about that even though it invites the question.

Why would the androids of this world need full legal rights if they weren’t sentient or considered sentient? One main reason would be to prevent humans from abusing them, so there’s that. On the other hand, I wished the film had defined the parameters of the android technology more clearly.

As a longtime science fiction fan, I hesitate to give I’m Your Man permission to have its cake and eat it, too. If androids are advanced enough to need legal and civil rights, what’s wrong with considering them as a new species that’s compatible with humans?

Speaking as a sci-fi romance fan, they wouldn’t have to be human in order to have meaningful bonds with humans. But I’m Your Man questions that concept all the way through the movie, which is also why one can debate to what extent it belongs in the sci-fi romance category.

Themes and Subtext in I’m Your Man

Sunshine personality Tom is in love with Alma from the beginning because he’s programmed to be. Alma, on the other hand, is only in it for the money. She’s cynical, grumpy, and rude at times, but that only makes her more compelling. She views Tom as an enemy to overcome while he views her as a lover to win over with kindness. The film then grapples with the impact of their “fake dating” arrangement.

Tom is a compassionate man from the start and romantic to a fault. Anna thinks he’s too perfect, but the narrative then contrasts him with asshole men Alma has known and encounters in other parts of her life. When it comes to romantic partners, are her only choices between a real man who’s a jerk and a sweet, compassionate, yet artificial human?

I’m Your Man takes the subtext of a fantasy/idealized partner one step further by conveying that when it comes to traits like kindness, compassion, and empathy, we as a society would rather use advanced technology to create better humans than do the work to improve ourselves.

Yikes! That theme resonated with me because it’s plausible. Maybe the technology will forever be impossible, but if it existed, I can believe that a corporation full of billionaire tech bros would be motivated to create (and profit from) android men whom they’d program to be the “perfect” romantic partners for heterosexual women. A by-product of that would be letting human men off the hook.

The demand would exist because too many human men would refuse to just become decent human beings and plenty of women would be tired of waiting for them to do so. Why settle for an asshole human man when one can have an android partner whose looks and personality are tailored to your every need, who’s safe, and who is enthusiastic about participating in a romantic relationship? (Assuming that the androids have full legal and civil rights—otherwise, we’re talking about a different and potentially unethical situation).

I mean, that’s the kind of romantic partner “programming” that many romances already provide. They depict stories about compassionate, kind men (even if they’re grumpy jerks at first) who take pride in making their partner the center of their world. In that sense, both I’m Your Man and heterosexual m/f romances in general are a pretty harsh indictment of real men.

I’m Your Man tackles the theme of what it means to be human but stops shy of grappling with the possibilities of advanced computer technology. The androids in I’m Your Man are incredibly advanced. If they were in an SF story, the narrative would make a clear choice about sentience and autonomy. Either the technology is advanced enough to evolve beyond basic programming or it’s not. Science fiction stories have addressed both sides of that coin. I’m Your Man could have been more definitive on that matter.

Pivoting: there’s a love scene with nudity and it’s just as thematically rich as every other scene in the film. The scene also demonstrates how science can both solve a problem and create a new one at the same time.

In conclusion, I enjoyed I’m Your Man tremendously. The comedy bits are really funny. Female gaze for the win! Also, the actors’ body language is superb. You could turn off the sound and still follow the story by their nonverbal behaviors alone. So good.

I’ll definitely watch it again. I wouldn’t want a steady diet of bleak sci-fi romances in that vein, but I’m glad the author and filmmakers told this story because it prompted me to reflect on themes I hadn’t thought about before.

Movies like I’m Your Man and the more hopeful android sci-fi romances can and should co-exist. Both perspectives are valid and needed. In the end, it comes down to what type of sci-fi romance one is in the mood for.

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Thanks for reading!

If this post put you in the mood for android sci-fi romances, I’m an author of sci-fi romance and the following books of mine feature main and secondary android and automaton characters:

Iron Guns, Blazing Hearts

The Watchmaker’s Lady

A Villainous Affair

Steambot Rampage

You can also find more android sci-fi romance books at SFR Station and in the archives of my former blog, The Galaxy Express!